“STATE OF THE UNION” — A Bad Lip Reading

*** You can turn off these captions using the CC button below Don’t lay a finger on my gavel Pack up the car Don’t break the telephone, I just got it He’s so good Ayyeeee I can’t believe it’s Vin Diesel! Ch-chhh I like your fingers And I like your face You’re a thick youth And tall too So there’s shark fins all over the room tonight, right? Ehh I thought you were this guy I used to know in Cancun That ain’t good Don’t lean! Okay Hey I like your hairspray, friend I like it very much It’s like lacquer, it’s got that artful shine [burp] You know what, Mike? Ever since you asked what the opposite of wheat is I”ve been avoiding you I brought you a hat Ehh I don’t like it I like your belly Your ankles And that girl I told you we wouldn’t be offering any snacks Why not? Hey listen, you need to get your right foot checked out You need to go away I’m mad at you, but you know, you gotta be an optimist in our world I think I just said a haiku Is it “haiku” or “Jaiku”? Which should I be saying? Hey, I once had a cockroach named Verne, but he got lost in a disaster Oh that’s nice Well, not really, ’cause he poisoned people We have to talk less during these sorts of things Hey just so you know, your suit looks good So does your dress That’s not what — I like oak Na-Nu Na-Nu Elegantro I got one for you Thank you, sweet prince And also this I have to do it, that’s all I know ‘Sup buddy? I wanna roast all of his fingers Yeah Let’s get this thing started It is time for me! Hmmm? Milk! Okay, sure, milk Hoffa-loppa-hooga-boogga What am I saying when I mutter the phrase, “Kega-Bega, poulga shegel”? Hmmm? You know, there’s a few things you should know about me I’m pretty sexy I don’t walk in nature I hate shy kids I worship my little comb I like the bra business I think guys are the coolest I’d marry coal I think Asia has a nifty wall I like gluten down my chute And I’d like a pizza party, I’d like if very much You’re a seal, I knew it! Pizza party: I’d like it very much — text me Hey, Mike… a question Is this the Republicans’ best hope? Well, we got me [laughter] that’s awesome! Okay, just let go now [crunch] ah, my hand’s cracked!

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